Our church is having a purity event tonight for the student ministry. Neither of my girls is going for a variety of reasons, but the event itself has led to some fruitful conversations with my older daughter.
My 13-year-old daughter isn't even really thinking about sex. She's just now learning how to be friends with guys. Anything beyond that isn't something she thinks a lot about at this point.
But this event has given us a lot of opportunities to talk not just about sex but about purity. It's given me a chance to really evaluate how I want to approach those topics with both my daughters.
We're a couple of years past the birds and the bees talk with both girls. They know that we think waiting for marriage is the best plan because it's God's plan. But that doesn't mean we stop talking with them about sex and purity.
And here's what I've discovered this week as I've been talking with my older daughter. I don't want to put sexual purity up on a pedestal. I don't want it to be a rule that shouldn't be broken. I want my daughters to choose to wait for marriage because they have a relationship with Jesus. I want them to choose sexual purity because they love Jesus and want to follow His plan because they know it's the best one for them.
I also don't want to discuss sexual purity in a vacuum because I think for a long time Christians have put sexual purity on a pedestal. It's a prize to be obtained, not a lifestyle choice made out of love for Jesus. We put a huge emphasis on sexual purity but don't place the same emphasis on purity of speech, thought and action.
Do you know how many times the word sex is mentioned in the Bible? 77. Do you know how many times the Bible talks about our tongues? 133.
When we place a huge emphasis on sexual purity all by itself, we lead our kids to believe that it's more important than our words or our thoughts or our actions. When exactly the opposite is true. If we help our kids focus on leading a pure life in words, thoughts, and actions, then sexual purity simply becomes a part of that lifestyle. It's not something they have to aspire to. It's simply an outgrowth of the life they're already living.
Sex is an open conversation in our house. We discuss it just like we discuss any other topic. Sometimes it's uncomfortable. Sometimes it's funny. Sometimes it's serious. But the door is never closed on that conversation. Just like the door is never closed on talking about words, thoughts and actions.
When we're talking with our kids about sex, about waiting for marriage, about leading a life that's pleasing to God, let's remember not to do it in a vacuum. Let's remember that leading a pure life in the eyes of God is about more than just waiting for marriage to have sex. It's about pleasing words, taking every thought captive and treating others like we would want to be treated. Because God wants us to live a pure life in all areas, not just in the bedroom.
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